Sunday, September 5, 2010
Once upon a time there was a little girl who dreamed she could capture the world.
She wasn't sure how but her eyes often seemed to sparkle sitting down at her thinking spot, taking it all in, looking brightly into her future.
As she grew so did her goals. Aspiring to be a Marine Biologist, attending the college by the coast that she laid awake many nights and imagined herself in.
Life took some turns and she didn't get there.
It didn't stop her from being happy.
She grew up, she got married and she had a beautiful, little boy who without a doubt captured her heart at first sight.
Her life moved on.
A little older sitting at her thinking spot she smiled, she kept dreaming.
Hurt, pain and loss didn't deter her.
She stood there remembering the recent loss of her Grandpa. Knowing her wouled want her to smile through the tears and carry on.
She forged ahead.
Again blessed with another beautiful little boy. Her life was rich as a mother.
The daily tasks of tending to her sons brought her joy beyond measure.
The years continued to pass.
Friendships grew, people came in and out of her life.
Sickness, scars and pain found their way along her journey.
She found herself older again, staring at the ripples and her reflection in the water down at that now trusty haven she had come to reply on.
She tearfully recalled her faithful friend of the 4 legged persuasion who had followed her since she was in pigtails.
How he always gave her a mannerly nod when she glanced down at him and then they would playfully race back to the house. Two tongues wagging as they reached the front porch together.
Old Spud, best dog in the world. It never was the same without him down there by her side.
Her sons grew and there beside her on the bank they played, skipped rocks and learned to fish.
Sometimes the only thing they caught were fits of laughter and many memories.
The little girl now a woman.
She stood on the trusty pier, mourning the loss of her Grandma and her marriage.
Wondering where she was going now.
Seeking answers, hoping to suceed at life.
She pressed on.
Caampfires by the thinking spot, melted chocolate s'mores on everybody's face.
Life was simple and good.
I stood down there again the other day.
It has become quite a spiritual ritual that I indulge in pretty often.
I love to go down there at the beginning of each new season.
Breathing in the air, watching the world change before my eyes.
As I stood there the other day, I realized I am still that little girl.
Sometimes scared, very hopeful and thankfully still seeing the world with a sparkle in my eyes.
My life so far doesn't match the dreams of my youth but I wouldn't change a thing.
Take away my favorite spot and and that opinion might change but as I sat in the corner under the shade tree I almost destroyed at about age 13, trying to swing on its new limbs, I see that life is what I make out of it.
I could wallow in regrets and past hurt, but why?
Why not wear my battle scars proudly and continue on my journey with a smile.
My steps may become slower, my face weathered as the years pass, but my heart will always wear pigtails and dream big.
Thank goodness Dad and I built that pond.
It has been a stable part of my life, its hasn't changed. It is like an old friend whom I can bear my soul to without ever saying a word.
Keep moving forward,finding your spot in this in this world and he glad for every moment, good and bad.
They are what make us who we are.
Here are my thoughts!
Happy Day All!
So Luke and I were looking through some of our old stuff yesterday.
We found some old favorite books, drawing he and his brother had done, a cute dress I forgot I had, his first Duke hat and many other things we took out and said 'WOW, I totally forgot about this!" in sheer joy.
At the bottom with various notes and random keepsakes I found a forgotten mask. I do believe it was my famed Batgirl mask that I used to wear when the boys were small. I had to stop telling them I was Batgirl because Seth took it upon himself to "Tell" for show and tell, when he was still in the single digits that his Mom was truly the real Batgirl.
Of course the teacher met me at the door to inform me of his creative share.
Her face tensed as I laughed and told her her in fact yes I was the Dark Knight's female sidekick.
Whoops, some people have no sense of humor sometimes I guess.
Anyway,back to me and Luke and our find.
I put it on for old time sake. His eyes lit up and we giggled, and briefly I was again that silly Mom who used to wrap in a blanket and jump off the back of the couch.
You know wearing it I felt slightly different, well not because it didn't match my jeans and tank top and looked pretty silly as an accessory to my flip flops.
I felt like a different person. Not a feeling I really ever feel.
I took it off my cherished treasure and I was simply Teresa again.
It set my mind in motion and how hard it would be to live behind a mask.
It seems to be a trend among some people to wear a clever mask and transform into a person they really are not.
I guess it's easier to be accepted as a "character" or play a role of who you wish you were.
I know I am not accepted b y all, I know being I who i really am i am often perceived as the goof, the silly girl, the class clown, but that's just part of who I am.
If you look past all that and truly know me, I am more.
I suppose certain people might like me more or accept me if I started strutting around with my nose in the air, spouting out a list of selling points, my best features and my current do gooder acts.
Hey, I am Teresa, TC to some and T to many and various other nicknames but they all equal the same person, just me.
I step on toes at times, I trip standing still, I snort when I laugh and I get too loud and animated when I am excited but by golly its who I am.
I never have to worry about dropping my guard or letting my mask slip to reveal a very different person.
I wonder about those people who wear a mask to the world.
So they come home, remove it and look into the mirror and wonder who they are?
Do they wish they could be whomever they were born as?
I am me, I am not wealthy, not very graceful, not snobby but I am so ok with being me. I am loving, caring and genuine.
It saves a lot of time, I don't fake an accent, put on a front or ever worry I will be found out.
If you find you are wearing a mask, take it off for a while, you may be surprised at how much people like the REAL you and most important you just might like you better as well.
Be proud, be you. Never feel ashamed of who and where you are from, how you were made, let the sincere person you hold inside out, to be free.
Now I must go, its almost dark and well I did find my Batgirl mask.. Off to Gotham City I go!!!!
Happy Day All! Here are my thoughts!
I wish for a one day we could all be blind.
Let me explain.
If we were to all have our sight taken from us for just one single day I think we might become humble in the way we truly view the world and the people that exist in our world.
Our society has conditioned us to only accept people based on a few superficial factors.
Without sight we wouldn't be impressed with the car a person drives or the pricey clothes they choose to wear.
We wouldn't be allowed to judge another human being by their looks, the ones that appear flawless and most important those that don't.
We wouldn't be permitted to view disabilities, scars, burns or any other factor a person has fought to overcome.
How would we view the people we encounter and interact with?
We would be given a chance to see them for their inner light that shines, the beauty of voice, the touch, the feeling that person gave us.
I closed my eyes before I started writing and began to paint a picture of different people I know, leaving the alone their visible appearance.
Sadly some of those people's striking good looks faded and what I saw wasn't pretty.
Then I began to look at the people who I hold close, they became even more beautiful. Not because of the color of their hair or perfect smile, but their true beauty became so clear in my mind's eye.
I was surrounded by people who have touched me by their words, a laugh, a pretty smell, kindness, an innocent giggle and a firm, loving hand to hold.
I remember sweet little Mozelle Stout who I got to know when I worked at a nursing home.
I could hear her beautiful voice singing a hymn long before our eyes ever met.
I had to be near this woman who filled the hall with such a sweet sound.
I followed it, I felt like running to it.
There in her wheelchair was such a gorgeous soul. Did I see her wrinkled and weathered and her legs unable to carry her any longer?
I saw a perfect person before me who even at her life's end still found a reason to sing.
Did she turn me away because I slipped on the wet floor and being accident prone, because I didn’t have a nurse's badge, because I didn't fit the image of a 30 something, single Mom. OH NO!
She grabbed my hand into her feeble, loving hand and asked me to sing along.
It became our ritual, we sang, we sang everywhere, and she laughed the most innocent laugh as we got too loud.
I went to her before I left that job, her kind eyes tearing up she said "Keep singing angel."
Don't worry Miss Mozelle I won't ever stop!
I saw her obituary and it hurt to know she had left this earth but she left me with a lesson and an incredible song in my heart.
Close your eyes let your heart do all your seeing for you.
When you open your eyes you may not have 20/20 vision but I think you will start to see people for what they are and not their perfect body, botox, meaningless material possessions, you will see how amazing they are and most important how they made you feel.
Maya Angelo said you will forget what people say, but you will never forget how someone made you feel.
Close those eyes today people, and after you view the world in a new way, take a long, hard look at your own reflection and see if you like who you are.
Happy Day All.. Here are My Thoughts!