Wednesday, December 29, 2010
I was thinking today that I get so wrapped up in bringing you my thought for the day that I rarely ever just blog, ok I don't think I ever have!
I thought it might be nice to just write and not feel the pressure to deliver a message today.
I can't say that anything exciting happened today but maybe some of you are wondering what my day was like or perhaps you are bored and would like a peek into a not so normal day in the life of TC.
My nephew stayed over last night, which is always awesome. He just blends with us so well. Oh ok let me back up and start the day from the midnight mark.
As almost usual, I crawled into bed, tired, and ready to unwind, after a nightly dose of tunes, I picked up my latest read and of course fell asleep with a book on my face.
James Patterson is far from boring, but its my nightly ritual, it might explain why I dream often of trolling the streets of DC for a killer,waking up at 3 am with drool on my face and a sudden urge to fight crime.
I got up early, its my time to write, I got some stuff done in that department and felt pretty proud of myself.
The kids slowly began to wake up, and I trudged into the kitchen to make breakfast. I always act like its such a chore but it is something I love doing.
The norm was dished out, sausage gravy, biscuits and grits.. Ahhh southern delight.
After clean up and kudos from the gang I slipped into my glamorous everyday attire.
Tie dyed tank, jeans, itchy cute navy sweater and flip flops. I doused myself in my favorite smells and then looked at my hair in horror, I managed a low pony tail and called it awesome!
After a few magic tricks from my youngest son who totally baffles me with the simplest of tricks I chatted a lil with the teenagers and made plans for our upcoming rocking New Year's Eve party.
I made a list of must haves for the big festivities and I think if I am crazy enough to have that many teenagers at my house at once I am going to need some time of prescription meds or a bottle of happy juice. Just kidding!
My daddy stopped by and of course that always makes me happy.
The day rolled on.. a few phone calls, a spilled cup of coffee, some yummy peanut butter balls from my step mom and the day was breezing by pretty smooth.
I Googled a while, I like to look up very random things and become totally engrossed. Wait, was I about to do? I dunno, so I Googled on!
Here we are a couple of frozen pizzas for dinner( oh hush Paula Deen, I get a Mom free card sometimes ya know), I sit here typing about useless things.
Nah they aren't useless.. I spent the day with my favorite people, laughter everywhere, music ALWAYS playing in our house feeling full of peanut butter thingys and meat lovers pizza. My diet Pepsi to my left and my coffee to my right, my ponytail now trailing over to the left side I suppose from hanging off the bed while I talked on the phone.
I would like for you to control your excitement, some days aren't this full of ohhhhs and ahhhhhs.. If only it were summer, I would have more to report.
So now I must go search for my favorite rock t shirt and flannel jammie pants and proceed to listen to off the wall music that pops in my head and possibly do some more writing.
So there is My day, Wednesday December 29th, 2010.. maybe not the most entertaining to some, but I liked it, so skip on I shall..
Monday, December 27, 2010
Merry Christmas Everyone! Today's thoughts are a reflection.Some happy times, some sad, but all in all I am still here and still typing.
Tonight is my family's get together, its a tradition that has been going on since my great grandmother started it before my Mom was born.
In getting ready this week for our family tradition I have done so much looking back on this year and years past.
I sat down and cried last night, I was missing my Mimi and wishing she could celebrate with us. She would spend days baking her cakes, perfecting her potato salad and fussing at me for messing up her tape dispenser. I remember her last Christmas with us, I can recall it like it was yesterday, as always I was dragging her under the mistletoe and kissing her, and she would finally get somewhat irritated but with a smile she would say "Tesi would you quit!" Of course I didn't and she laughed as I leaned down and did it again.
She loved Christmas, all of us together, laughing, watching the kids play, watching us grow up and have kids of our own. She adored this time of year.
I thought last night how much I would give for her to call this morning and ask if I had everything done with a chuckle and then my advice on what to wear.
She could have worn a sack, she was stunning no matter what.
As I thought of her, I realized she is here, she is in my heart, she is is all of our hearts and it really drove home a point with me.
I have lost people this year in my life, we all have, whether it be to death, break ups, ending of friendships, but we still have those people. They are in our hearts, they are the very reasons we are who we are.
I wish this past year I could have called Mim and asked her advice on many issues I faced. She always gave me such good, solid words, hey wait.. I have those.. again I carry them with me.
The seasons change, the weather turns from cold to warm, time passes by, but one thing we never lose is our memories. We take them with us everywhere we go, its such a beautiful gift to be given, we can take them out and use them whenever we feel we need them, we can use them to gain strength and we can always count on them to be there when the person in those memories are no longer there.
I have grieved the loss of many things this year, a few very special people, but I am so thankful this morning as I type this for the gift they left, their incredible memory, and from that I will make the next year an ever better time, I have learned, I have grown and most of all I have become more sure of who I am.
For those people in my present, thank you, I look forward to many more memories with you. I can't begin to say all I need to say to you all. I wish I could reach you and give you the biggest, strongest hug you could ever imagine.
For those who left my life this year, I wish you well and I offer you some advice I learned from a very wise woman named Mimi, live today, love today, never let a day pass without telling the people you care for how very much they mean to you, because very quickly that can change, they can be gone and you are left with a memory of better days and happy moments.
To everyone, embrace your life, love, live and take so many mental notes and photos, you will love them and depend on them later.
To my Mimi, Merry Christmas, I know you are here, I feel it, I wish you could see how much the boys have grown and even sing a little verse of I'll Fly Away with Me like old times. I miss you more than I can tell you and it hurts so much to know you are not here in person, but you know that don't you Mim, your memory will be very much a gift to us tonight as we all get together and hey you would be proud I didn't mess up the tape this year, always, Tesi.
One more note to someone, I doubt they see it but I need to tell you, Merry Christmas, I wish you well, I hope your holiday is as magical as the time you gave me. Always, Reesa.
Merry Christmas Friends, I love you and I hope that you GIVE the best gift this year, yourself.. it goes farther than anything with a bow on it and it lasts a lifetime.
Here are my Thoughts!
George Bernard Shaw wrote a very inspiring poem at a point in his life, that I feel that anyone with a pulse can gain some measure of insight from. Please read it before I continue.
True Joy Of Life
This is the true joy of life.
The being used for a purpose
Recognized by yourself as a mighty one.
The being a force of nature
Instead of a feverish, selfish
Little clod of ailments and grievances
Complaining that the world will not
Devote itself to making you happy.
I am of the opinion that my life
Belongs to the whole community
And as long as I live,
It is my privilege to do for it
Whatever I can.
I want to be thoroughly
Used up when I die,
For the harder I work the more I live.
I rejoice in life for its own sake.
Life is no brief candle to me.
It is a sort of splendid torch
Which I've got hold of
For the moment
And I want to make it burn
As brightly as possible before
Handling it on to future generations.
I was suffering from a bad case of writer’s block so I decided to Google “How To Cure Writer’s Block”.
I read some very bizarre remedies and I refuse to admit if I acted on some of them.
One of the ideas was to go back and read works by authors we were fond of or even some we knew little about. I had always been intrigued by Shaw so I decided to explore some of his writings.
I came upon this piece and I began to think over the goals I hope to accomplish in my lifetime and I decided to create my own Bucket List.
For those not familiar with a Bucket List, let me briefly fill you in, these are the things you want to do before you kick the bucket. No matter how small or how grand they give you a guideline within yourself of what you dream of doing in and with your life.
I sat down and began compiling mine and I felt so good seeing it before me in my own writing.
I smiled because as I wrote it, I felt really good because one of the major dreams of my life I have done, I have written a book, but then I realized yes that is a biggie but I am just as proud of myself for learning to make biscuits from scratch, from my Mom.
To me learning to make homemade biscuits is just as big an achievement as writing the book. Both were personal goals I set for myself. I pulled out my baked beauties this morning and felt the most rewarding feeling. I set a goal, and I did it.
I read my list aloud, some of the items I dream of doing might seem impossible but how will I know until I try. As I always preach, If you can dream it, you CAN do it!
I think the act of sitting down with no distractions and actually putting pen to paper and seeing my list grow made it seem that much more attainable.
I think that sometimes unless we have a visual reminder of our hopes and dreams that it becomes too easy to put our desires on the back burner and after a while we forget they are even there. Only remembering them when we see someone else check an item off their list of to dos and we wish we had set out to achieve our own.
Me personally I think it’s often too easy to get wrapped up in the day to day living and lose sight of what we want. I know after getting up at 5 am and doing the morning shuffle of getting the kids off to school and sending them off laughing at me, or with me, I am still unsure which. But that is a whole other topic, like I was saying after the wheels of my day begin I just catch myself going through the motions in order to at long last fall into bed and start all over again.
Is that all we are living for? Just to barely make it? Just to get our daily deeds done and never look up from the present and on into our future? If you are trapped in that rut, then please by all means try making your own Bucket List. It gives you so much more to look forward to and aspire to. It generates a smile within yourself at the though of new dreams being met and new life changing events that can come from opening our minds to our own future.
Before you blow me off and say Oh good grief, here she goes again with her head in the clouds, hear me out.. Your list can be the simplest of acts, it can be to sit and read a book, call an old friend, things we think of after it’s too late to do because we missed the chance and won’t get it back or we just let it fall to the wayside. You can include large items to your list, and ya know, mine may sound crazy and out of reach but it keeps me reaching up, not lying on the ground wishing I was someone else or envious of someone else who had more motivation than me.
I know that if I hold my head high, looking up, reaching into my future, I will have the satisfaction of knowing I never looked back and dwelled in what I didn’t do, I plowed forward and lived my life, checking off items as I went. Maybe I won’t reach them all, but I am sure going to give it my best to at least be remembered when I do kick that bucket for always dreaming, always trying and always setting my sights on the big star. Because one of these days, I will hold that star in my hand and my glow will be brighter than it, because I did.
So today I am passing you the bucket, I challenge you all to sit down and make your own list.
I am going to share with you now in closing my ever growing Bucket List.
Here are my thoughts! Happy Day All!
~Teresa Hardister’s Bucket List
~Deep sea dive near the Great Barrier Reef
~Live at the coast.
~ Get dreadlocks at least once.
~Have the nerve to tell people how I really feel by putting myself first and not caring if I step on toes or hurt feelings.
~Cook with Paula Deen
~Thank Kenny Chesney personally for all that his music has done for me, lifting me and keeping me company on some pretty lonely nights.
~Meet my online friends who are more like family, who have welcomed me into their hearts and lives, I need to pass out some serious hugs to them.
~Write a book about issues that have plagued my past.
~Donate my time to help victims of rape.
~Get remarried, to someone who feels that in their heart, they can’t see a day without me, and us being together, skipping, loving and just being happy with each other.
~Improve my self image
~Write more hand written letters to people and actually mail them.
~Learn how to build a house.
~To show my serious side more and not be deemed the happy, funny, I have no worries or deep thoughts person I am perceived as very often.
~To seek out and find people I may have hurt and make amends.
~Break a Guinness Book record with Luke.
~ Write a song with Seth.
~Publish my poetry.
~Find a very close friend I lost a few years ago.
~ Learn to knit.
~ Finally get Christmas lights in the top of my gigantic cedar tree.
There ya have it, what I have so far! What’s yours??!!!!
This is the story of a girl.
A girl who had it all, or did she?
She tried to stay upbeat and positive throughout the ups and downs of life, keeping her smile in tact, whether it be real or fake.
She skipped through the world, trying so hard to not let the events and at times darkness envelop her.
Meeting many people on her journey, eager to pass on her smile, almost in some sort of relay, with hope that people would grab it and run with it.
Her intentions were good bur as with anyone, she would stumble upon a few road blocks that tried to bring her to a halt, she ventured on.
Not asking for much, just wishing to find happiness along the road.
Hmmm Sounds like she is one, little happy chick huh?
Wow, must be nice to have that outlook, wouldn’t you say?
Let me answer this one for you, I am that girl, and since I am, I feel like I can give you the most qualified answer.
No sadly, it is not so nice. Its not the pretty image painted in the above words.
Why? You ask.
Because those of us who give the world our happy face, kind words and silly antics are as my friend “J“says, the ones who cry alone.
Again you ask why.
Because, in all honesty nobody wants to see the happy girl crying.
Nobody wants to see her through her sadness.
Am I bitter about it? No, not at all, really.
I am trying to better acquaint you with my kind.
If the smiley people cry, those that seek their smile will find that the hope of a better day is weakened, the promise of a laugh is stalled and that seemingly perfect picture now is slightly cracked.
What I want you to know about us eternally peppy, optimistic people, is that we are human.
Maybe more so than anyone.
We bleed, we hurt, we struggle, we get angry, and yes we shed real tears.
Most of those emotions are well hidden in order to protect ourselves from pain.
If we show our true emotions all the time then we couldn’t survive and I doubt we would be very pleasant to our fellow man.
What I have found from within myself is that my happy, Stevie Wonder singing self is actually the product of hurt, pain and sadness, but to cope I truly do turn my frown upside down.
It allows me to pass on some sunshine to other people and in doing that I brighten my own spirit.
Lately I have addressed a very common misconception, something I am learned in how most folks think of and view me.
I come across as the bubbly, upbeat, carefree, long haired goofball who eats candy with Diet Pepsi and sings way off key, which translates to “the funny one”.
I do in fact do those things but there is so much more to me than being goofy. I have real fears, real moments, I am a mother, a woman and sometimes a scared little girl who wishes she had someone who could see past the humor and silly faces.
What we present to the world isn’t always totally who we are.
It is what we allow you to see. If you want to see the deeper, raw emotions you must get to know the woman behind the smile, the one who right now has a tear streaming down her face, because, well, because I can.
Get to know people, seek the answers from within, not just from what you are given on the outside.
You will walk away thinking “Wow”. I never knew the happy girl was actually a pretty deep woman way down inside.
Thank you everyone for allowing me to give you a glimpse over my wall and see a small portion of who I am when I am behind a closed door without my smile and bubbles.
Here are my thoughts.
My date and I were headed into a restaurant one fall evening, and as I glanced to my left I saw a woman who worked at a local business, someone I had spoken with many times.
She smiled brightly when our eyes met.
I excused myself from my date for a moment.
We exchanged hellos and I inquired about her children and her life in general.
She continued to smile as I walked away waving.
Upon my return to my date, I could see he was visibly disgusted by the look on his face and his clenched jaw.
He informed me that I was to never do that again. Do what? I asked.
With a look of total repulsion he said I was to never speak to or been seen talking to someone beneath me, as he put it ‘Of low class”.
What? Are you kidding me?
I laughed and said what in the blank are you talking about?
He said it looked bad to been seen talking to someone with of her lack of social standing.
Ahhh! My blood began to boil, I could feel the anger rise to my vocal chords and I told this useless snob that I would speak to anyone. I would always talk to that woman. He didn’t know her, I had come to think very highly of her and I knew of her tough financial times, her hardships as a single parent for which I could relate and I had never seen her when she wasn’t pleasant and always looking on the bright side. He on the other hand was far too busy keeping his nose in the air to ever notice that below that stuck up snout were living breathing people, who had feelings, souls, hearts and struggles.
I then informed Mr. Fancy Pants that he would go inside, buy my low life self dinner, get it to go, take me home, with my Styrofoam plate in hand and be gone! We didn’t speak one word on the way back to my place and as I exited his snooty, perfectly detailed vehicle I didn’t look back to see if he even noticed that I had mouthed some not so nice words to him.
How dare he? Who in this world said he was judge and jury on who is “good enough” and who is deserving of my smiles, conversation and acquaintanceship
I can’t imagine going through life thinking I was better than another person that my life meant more than another. That my words were more important that the next human being. That my existence was greater in value than another.
This is something that truly grinds my gears, but today I am speaking about 2 topics, being rude and also acting holier than thou to others.
I have a very low tolerance for people who look down on others, and an even lower tolerance for those that rank themselves too good and use to that as a mask to be rude.
I see it all around me, with “friends” family and in just every day life.
Folks kissing up to order to rub elbows with the rich, important, beautiful, appealing people that they think are the only ones in this world who matter. Hey guess what, they are no better than you, me and the sweet humble lady standing in front of the restaurant that I see smiling back at me.
Ok so you have a better job, lifestyle, car, clothing and social standing than someone else, that makes you worth more? That makes you capable of looking down on people who aren’t as blessed as you? That gives you the right to speak down to, ignore and ridicule those of us who have seen hard times, have scars and wounds and are just as happy if not happier to have been given another day in life and rise above the hand we have been dealt?
How hard is it to be kind? Is it easier and more convenient to be rude? If you close your eyes or keep your blinders on will it make those that aren’t of your worth go away?
I will certainly answer this for you! No they are there, and hey ya know what, those kind people actually feel sorry for your arrogant, stuck up, self.
Because you aren’t really happy! You are made happy by possessions, cars, job status, looks and you lack what it takes to give up your insecurities and live your life without worrying what people will think if you are seen talking to or associating with someone that is pleasing to you.
As I stand here on my soap box, I am very thankful if you gave me the time of day, if you took time to read this and it’s very humbling to get a message that I have actually made a difference and helped someone along the way.
I thank you. I mean it; I sincerely thank each and every person who shares their life with me.
I think what prompted this thought of the day was because I have written to a few well I would say friends, but lets use the term former acquaintances, it wasn’t a long drawn out message, it was more than likely kind of corny but my intentions were good, to make that person know they were in my thoughts and I smiled that day because of them or the thought of them being a part of my life, past or present.
What disturbed me greatly was that quite a few shocked me by completely ignoring my correspondence. I think I would have preferred a snide look or a mean put down. How difficult is it to acknowledge someone? I mean honestly, when someone shows kindness to you, and its heartfelt, why would you ignore it? Oh wait, because I could possibly be an embarrassment to know? Or is that your time is more valuable than mine? No worries there, I won’t be thinking of you again, in writing or in my daily life. I will move on to people who return smiles, messages and don’t roll their eyes at the sight of me. Let me take that back.
I will think of you, if our paths should cross, I will feel very sorry for you, because I know at the rate you are going, when your looks fade, your car is on blocks or heaven forbid you start shopping at a discount store that you are going to be quite lonely. You will look back and wonder why you don’t have friends or people waving when you pass by. It’s because you got what you wanted, you put yourself in a class all by yourself, you achieved your greatness and as you look down this time, it’s not going to be from a view that atop your nose high above us all, it will be way down there with the slugs, which creep along and leave a nasty trail.
If you have to ask if I am talking about you, then by all means, please look over your life and make sure you haven’t made someone feel bad, that you accepted the kindness of others and that you aren’t on a slow spiral to Slugville all by your lonesome. I’m gonna keep smiling and urge my friends to do the same, be you, don’t let them knock ya down.. They are headed there themselves.
Get your nose out of the places they shouldn’t be and have a look, there are some beautiful, loving, very caring people out here, and all you have to do to win them over is to be genuine and present yourself as who you are, not by what you have.
Here are my thoughts! Happy Day All!