Wednesday, December 29, 2010
I was thinking today that I get so wrapped up in bringing you my thought for the day that I rarely ever just blog, ok I don't think I ever have!
I thought it might be nice to just write and not feel the pressure to deliver a message today.
I can't say that anything exciting happened today but maybe some of you are wondering what my day was like or perhaps you are bored and would like a peek into a not so normal day in the life of TC.
My nephew stayed over last night, which is always awesome. He just blends with us so well. Oh ok let me back up and start the day from the midnight mark.
As almost usual, I crawled into bed, tired, and ready to unwind, after a nightly dose of tunes, I picked up my latest read and of course fell asleep with a book on my face.
James Patterson is far from boring, but its my nightly ritual, it might explain why I dream often of trolling the streets of DC for a killer,waking up at 3 am with drool on my face and a sudden urge to fight crime.
I got up early, its my time to write, I got some stuff done in that department and felt pretty proud of myself.
The kids slowly began to wake up, and I trudged into the kitchen to make breakfast. I always act like its such a chore but it is something I love doing.
The norm was dished out, sausage gravy, biscuits and grits.. Ahhh southern delight.
After clean up and kudos from the gang I slipped into my glamorous everyday attire.
Tie dyed tank, jeans, itchy cute navy sweater and flip flops. I doused myself in my favorite smells and then looked at my hair in horror, I managed a low pony tail and called it awesome!
After a few magic tricks from my youngest son who totally baffles me with the simplest of tricks I chatted a lil with the teenagers and made plans for our upcoming rocking New Year's Eve party.
I made a list of must haves for the big festivities and I think if I am crazy enough to have that many teenagers at my house at once I am going to need some time of prescription meds or a bottle of happy juice. Just kidding!
My daddy stopped by and of course that always makes me happy.
The day rolled on.. a few phone calls, a spilled cup of coffee, some yummy peanut butter balls from my step mom and the day was breezing by pretty smooth.
I Googled a while, I like to look up very random things and become totally engrossed. Wait, was I about to do? I dunno, so I Googled on!
Here we are a couple of frozen pizzas for dinner( oh hush Paula Deen, I get a Mom free card sometimes ya know), I sit here typing about useless things.
Nah they aren't useless.. I spent the day with my favorite people, laughter everywhere, music ALWAYS playing in our house feeling full of peanut butter thingys and meat lovers pizza. My diet Pepsi to my left and my coffee to my right, my ponytail now trailing over to the left side I suppose from hanging off the bed while I talked on the phone.
I would like for you to control your excitement, some days aren't this full of ohhhhs and ahhhhhs.. If only it were summer, I would have more to report.
So now I must go search for my favorite rock t shirt and flannel jammie pants and proceed to listen to off the wall music that pops in my head and possibly do some more writing.
So there is My day, Wednesday December 29th, 2010.. maybe not the most entertaining to some, but I liked it, so skip on I shall..
Monday, December 27, 2010
Merry Christmas Everyone! Today's thoughts are a reflection.Some happy times, some sad, but all in all I am still here and still typing.
Tonight is my family's get together, its a tradition that has been going on since my great grandmother started it before my Mom was born.
In getting ready this week for our family tradition I have done so much looking back on this year and years past.
I sat down and cried last night, I was missing my Mimi and wishing she could celebrate with us. She would spend days baking her cakes, perfecting her potato salad and fussing at me for messing up her tape dispenser. I remember her last Christmas with us, I can recall it like it was yesterday, as always I was dragging her under the mistletoe and kissing her, and she would finally get somewhat irritated but with a smile she would say "Tesi would you quit!" Of course I didn't and she laughed as I leaned down and did it again.
She loved Christmas, all of us together, laughing, watching the kids play, watching us grow up and have kids of our own. She adored this time of year.
I thought last night how much I would give for her to call this morning and ask if I had everything done with a chuckle and then my advice on what to wear.
She could have worn a sack, she was stunning no matter what.
As I thought of her, I realized she is here, she is in my heart, she is is all of our hearts and it really drove home a point with me.
I have lost people this year in my life, we all have, whether it be to death, break ups, ending of friendships, but we still have those people. They are in our hearts, they are the very reasons we are who we are.
I wish this past year I could have called Mim and asked her advice on many issues I faced. She always gave me such good, solid words, hey wait.. I have those.. again I carry them with me.
The seasons change, the weather turns from cold to warm, time passes by, but one thing we never lose is our memories. We take them with us everywhere we go, its such a beautiful gift to be given, we can take them out and use them whenever we feel we need them, we can use them to gain strength and we can always count on them to be there when the person in those memories are no longer there.
I have grieved the loss of many things this year, a few very special people, but I am so thankful this morning as I type this for the gift they left, their incredible memory, and from that I will make the next year an ever better time, I have learned, I have grown and most of all I have become more sure of who I am.
For those people in my present, thank you, I look forward to many more memories with you. I can't begin to say all I need to say to you all. I wish I could reach you and give you the biggest, strongest hug you could ever imagine.
For those who left my life this year, I wish you well and I offer you some advice I learned from a very wise woman named Mimi, live today, love today, never let a day pass without telling the people you care for how very much they mean to you, because very quickly that can change, they can be gone and you are left with a memory of better days and happy moments.
To everyone, embrace your life, love, live and take so many mental notes and photos, you will love them and depend on them later.
To my Mimi, Merry Christmas, I know you are here, I feel it, I wish you could see how much the boys have grown and even sing a little verse of I'll Fly Away with Me like old times. I miss you more than I can tell you and it hurts so much to know you are not here in person, but you know that don't you Mim, your memory will be very much a gift to us tonight as we all get together and hey you would be proud I didn't mess up the tape this year, always, Tesi.
One more note to someone, I doubt they see it but I need to tell you, Merry Christmas, I wish you well, I hope your holiday is as magical as the time you gave me. Always, Reesa.
Merry Christmas Friends, I love you and I hope that you GIVE the best gift this year, yourself.. it goes farther than anything with a bow on it and it lasts a lifetime.
Here are my Thoughts!
George Bernard Shaw wrote a very inspiring poem at a point in his life, that I feel that anyone with a pulse can gain some measure of insight from. Please read it before I continue.
True Joy Of Life
This is the true joy of life.
The being used for a purpose
Recognized by yourself as a mighty one.
The being a force of nature
Instead of a feverish, selfish
Little clod of ailments and grievances
Complaining that the world will not
Devote itself to making you happy.
I am of the opinion that my life
Belongs to the whole community
And as long as I live,
It is my privilege to do for it
Whatever I can.
I want to be thoroughly
Used up when I die,
For the harder I work the more I live.
I rejoice in life for its own sake.
Life is no brief candle to me.
It is a sort of splendid torch
Which I've got hold of
For the moment
And I want to make it burn
As brightly as possible before
Handling it on to future generations.
I was suffering from a bad case of writer’s block so I decided to Google “How To Cure Writer’s Block”.
I read some very bizarre remedies and I refuse to admit if I acted on some of them.
One of the ideas was to go back and read works by authors we were fond of or even some we knew little about. I had always been intrigued by Shaw so I decided to explore some of his writings.
I came upon this piece and I began to think over the goals I hope to accomplish in my lifetime and I decided to create my own Bucket List.
For those not familiar with a Bucket List, let me briefly fill you in, these are the things you want to do before you kick the bucket. No matter how small or how grand they give you a guideline within yourself of what you dream of doing in and with your life.
I sat down and began compiling mine and I felt so good seeing it before me in my own writing.
I smiled because as I wrote it, I felt really good because one of the major dreams of my life I have done, I have written a book, but then I realized yes that is a biggie but I am just as proud of myself for learning to make biscuits from scratch, from my Mom.
To me learning to make homemade biscuits is just as big an achievement as writing the book. Both were personal goals I set for myself. I pulled out my baked beauties this morning and felt the most rewarding feeling. I set a goal, and I did it.
I read my list aloud, some of the items I dream of doing might seem impossible but how will I know until I try. As I always preach, If you can dream it, you CAN do it!
I think the act of sitting down with no distractions and actually putting pen to paper and seeing my list grow made it seem that much more attainable.
I think that sometimes unless we have a visual reminder of our hopes and dreams that it becomes too easy to put our desires on the back burner and after a while we forget they are even there. Only remembering them when we see someone else check an item off their list of to dos and we wish we had set out to achieve our own.
Me personally I think it’s often too easy to get wrapped up in the day to day living and lose sight of what we want. I know after getting up at 5 am and doing the morning shuffle of getting the kids off to school and sending them off laughing at me, or with me, I am still unsure which. But that is a whole other topic, like I was saying after the wheels of my day begin I just catch myself going through the motions in order to at long last fall into bed and start all over again.
Is that all we are living for? Just to barely make it? Just to get our daily deeds done and never look up from the present and on into our future? If you are trapped in that rut, then please by all means try making your own Bucket List. It gives you so much more to look forward to and aspire to. It generates a smile within yourself at the though of new dreams being met and new life changing events that can come from opening our minds to our own future.
Before you blow me off and say Oh good grief, here she goes again with her head in the clouds, hear me out.. Your list can be the simplest of acts, it can be to sit and read a book, call an old friend, things we think of after it’s too late to do because we missed the chance and won’t get it back or we just let it fall to the wayside. You can include large items to your list, and ya know, mine may sound crazy and out of reach but it keeps me reaching up, not lying on the ground wishing I was someone else or envious of someone else who had more motivation than me.
I know that if I hold my head high, looking up, reaching into my future, I will have the satisfaction of knowing I never looked back and dwelled in what I didn’t do, I plowed forward and lived my life, checking off items as I went. Maybe I won’t reach them all, but I am sure going to give it my best to at least be remembered when I do kick that bucket for always dreaming, always trying and always setting my sights on the big star. Because one of these days, I will hold that star in my hand and my glow will be brighter than it, because I did.
So today I am passing you the bucket, I challenge you all to sit down and make your own list.
I am going to share with you now in closing my ever growing Bucket List.
Here are my thoughts! Happy Day All!
~Teresa Hardister’s Bucket List
~Deep sea dive near the Great Barrier Reef
~Live at the coast.
~ Get dreadlocks at least once.
~Have the nerve to tell people how I really feel by putting myself first and not caring if I step on toes or hurt feelings.
~Cook with Paula Deen
~Thank Kenny Chesney personally for all that his music has done for me, lifting me and keeping me company on some pretty lonely nights.
~Meet my online friends who are more like family, who have welcomed me into their hearts and lives, I need to pass out some serious hugs to them.
~Write a book about issues that have plagued my past.
~Donate my time to help victims of rape.
~Get remarried, to someone who feels that in their heart, they can’t see a day without me, and us being together, skipping, loving and just being happy with each other.
~Improve my self image
~Write more hand written letters to people and actually mail them.
~Learn how to build a house.
~To show my serious side more and not be deemed the happy, funny, I have no worries or deep thoughts person I am perceived as very often.
~To seek out and find people I may have hurt and make amends.
~Break a Guinness Book record with Luke.
~ Write a song with Seth.
~Publish my poetry.
~Find a very close friend I lost a few years ago.
~ Learn to knit.
~ Finally get Christmas lights in the top of my gigantic cedar tree.
There ya have it, what I have so far! What’s yours??!!!!
This is the story of a girl.
A girl who had it all, or did she?
She tried to stay upbeat and positive throughout the ups and downs of life, keeping her smile in tact, whether it be real or fake.
She skipped through the world, trying so hard to not let the events and at times darkness envelop her.
Meeting many people on her journey, eager to pass on her smile, almost in some sort of relay, with hope that people would grab it and run with it.
Her intentions were good bur as with anyone, she would stumble upon a few road blocks that tried to bring her to a halt, she ventured on.
Not asking for much, just wishing to find happiness along the road.
Hmmm Sounds like she is one, little happy chick huh?
Wow, must be nice to have that outlook, wouldn’t you say?
Let me answer this one for you, I am that girl, and since I am, I feel like I can give you the most qualified answer.
No sadly, it is not so nice. Its not the pretty image painted in the above words.
Why? You ask.
Because those of us who give the world our happy face, kind words and silly antics are as my friend “J“says, the ones who cry alone.
Again you ask why.
Because, in all honesty nobody wants to see the happy girl crying.
Nobody wants to see her through her sadness.
Am I bitter about it? No, not at all, really.
I am trying to better acquaint you with my kind.
If the smiley people cry, those that seek their smile will find that the hope of a better day is weakened, the promise of a laugh is stalled and that seemingly perfect picture now is slightly cracked.
What I want you to know about us eternally peppy, optimistic people, is that we are human.
Maybe more so than anyone.
We bleed, we hurt, we struggle, we get angry, and yes we shed real tears.
Most of those emotions are well hidden in order to protect ourselves from pain.
If we show our true emotions all the time then we couldn’t survive and I doubt we would be very pleasant to our fellow man.
What I have found from within myself is that my happy, Stevie Wonder singing self is actually the product of hurt, pain and sadness, but to cope I truly do turn my frown upside down.
It allows me to pass on some sunshine to other people and in doing that I brighten my own spirit.
Lately I have addressed a very common misconception, something I am learned in how most folks think of and view me.
I come across as the bubbly, upbeat, carefree, long haired goofball who eats candy with Diet Pepsi and sings way off key, which translates to “the funny one”.
I do in fact do those things but there is so much more to me than being goofy. I have real fears, real moments, I am a mother, a woman and sometimes a scared little girl who wishes she had someone who could see past the humor and silly faces.
What we present to the world isn’t always totally who we are.
It is what we allow you to see. If you want to see the deeper, raw emotions you must get to know the woman behind the smile, the one who right now has a tear streaming down her face, because, well, because I can.
Get to know people, seek the answers from within, not just from what you are given on the outside.
You will walk away thinking “Wow”. I never knew the happy girl was actually a pretty deep woman way down inside.
Thank you everyone for allowing me to give you a glimpse over my wall and see a small portion of who I am when I am behind a closed door without my smile and bubbles.
Here are my thoughts.
My date and I were headed into a restaurant one fall evening, and as I glanced to my left I saw a woman who worked at a local business, someone I had spoken with many times.
She smiled brightly when our eyes met.
I excused myself from my date for a moment.
We exchanged hellos and I inquired about her children and her life in general.
She continued to smile as I walked away waving.
Upon my return to my date, I could see he was visibly disgusted by the look on his face and his clenched jaw.
He informed me that I was to never do that again. Do what? I asked.
With a look of total repulsion he said I was to never speak to or been seen talking to someone beneath me, as he put it ‘Of low class”.
What? Are you kidding me?
I laughed and said what in the blank are you talking about?
He said it looked bad to been seen talking to someone with of her lack of social standing.
Ahhh! My blood began to boil, I could feel the anger rise to my vocal chords and I told this useless snob that I would speak to anyone. I would always talk to that woman. He didn’t know her, I had come to think very highly of her and I knew of her tough financial times, her hardships as a single parent for which I could relate and I had never seen her when she wasn’t pleasant and always looking on the bright side. He on the other hand was far too busy keeping his nose in the air to ever notice that below that stuck up snout were living breathing people, who had feelings, souls, hearts and struggles.
I then informed Mr. Fancy Pants that he would go inside, buy my low life self dinner, get it to go, take me home, with my Styrofoam plate in hand and be gone! We didn’t speak one word on the way back to my place and as I exited his snooty, perfectly detailed vehicle I didn’t look back to see if he even noticed that I had mouthed some not so nice words to him.
How dare he? Who in this world said he was judge and jury on who is “good enough” and who is deserving of my smiles, conversation and acquaintanceship
I can’t imagine going through life thinking I was better than another person that my life meant more than another. That my words were more important that the next human being. That my existence was greater in value than another.
This is something that truly grinds my gears, but today I am speaking about 2 topics, being rude and also acting holier than thou to others.
I have a very low tolerance for people who look down on others, and an even lower tolerance for those that rank themselves too good and use to that as a mask to be rude.
I see it all around me, with “friends” family and in just every day life.
Folks kissing up to order to rub elbows with the rich, important, beautiful, appealing people that they think are the only ones in this world who matter. Hey guess what, they are no better than you, me and the sweet humble lady standing in front of the restaurant that I see smiling back at me.
Ok so you have a better job, lifestyle, car, clothing and social standing than someone else, that makes you worth more? That makes you capable of looking down on people who aren’t as blessed as you? That gives you the right to speak down to, ignore and ridicule those of us who have seen hard times, have scars and wounds and are just as happy if not happier to have been given another day in life and rise above the hand we have been dealt?
How hard is it to be kind? Is it easier and more convenient to be rude? If you close your eyes or keep your blinders on will it make those that aren’t of your worth go away?
I will certainly answer this for you! No they are there, and hey ya know what, those kind people actually feel sorry for your arrogant, stuck up, self.
Because you aren’t really happy! You are made happy by possessions, cars, job status, looks and you lack what it takes to give up your insecurities and live your life without worrying what people will think if you are seen talking to or associating with someone that is pleasing to you.
As I stand here on my soap box, I am very thankful if you gave me the time of day, if you took time to read this and it’s very humbling to get a message that I have actually made a difference and helped someone along the way.
I thank you. I mean it; I sincerely thank each and every person who shares their life with me.
I think what prompted this thought of the day was because I have written to a few well I would say friends, but lets use the term former acquaintances, it wasn’t a long drawn out message, it was more than likely kind of corny but my intentions were good, to make that person know they were in my thoughts and I smiled that day because of them or the thought of them being a part of my life, past or present.
What disturbed me greatly was that quite a few shocked me by completely ignoring my correspondence. I think I would have preferred a snide look or a mean put down. How difficult is it to acknowledge someone? I mean honestly, when someone shows kindness to you, and its heartfelt, why would you ignore it? Oh wait, because I could possibly be an embarrassment to know? Or is that your time is more valuable than mine? No worries there, I won’t be thinking of you again, in writing or in my daily life. I will move on to people who return smiles, messages and don’t roll their eyes at the sight of me. Let me take that back.
I will think of you, if our paths should cross, I will feel very sorry for you, because I know at the rate you are going, when your looks fade, your car is on blocks or heaven forbid you start shopping at a discount store that you are going to be quite lonely. You will look back and wonder why you don’t have friends or people waving when you pass by. It’s because you got what you wanted, you put yourself in a class all by yourself, you achieved your greatness and as you look down this time, it’s not going to be from a view that atop your nose high above us all, it will be way down there with the slugs, which creep along and leave a nasty trail.
If you have to ask if I am talking about you, then by all means, please look over your life and make sure you haven’t made someone feel bad, that you accepted the kindness of others and that you aren’t on a slow spiral to Slugville all by your lonesome. I’m gonna keep smiling and urge my friends to do the same, be you, don’t let them knock ya down.. They are headed there themselves.
Get your nose out of the places they shouldn’t be and have a look, there are some beautiful, loving, very caring people out here, and all you have to do to win them over is to be genuine and present yourself as who you are, not by what you have.
Here are my thoughts! Happy Day All!
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
The rain came in today, and as I watched it softly tap against my window, I noticed the leaves. It seemed to start with just one single leaf, swirling and swaying in unison with the rain and gentle wind.
I watched more carefully, I could see many more leaves joining in this beautiful dance that they performed outside my window.
Paying no attention to me, watching their performance, awe struck by their graceful moves, all moving in different directions only changing tempo at the hands of their conductors wind and rain.
I could hear nothing, I needed no sound.
I smiled as my breath fogged up the glass and their show took on a dreamy haze, my contribution from inside.
Every year the seasons change, its something we can’t control. It’s a process that must happen and we can either let it pass with blinders on or we can get out there and dance among the leaves with a smile.
Life mimics the cycle of the seasons. It gradually eases from one phase to another, with small subtle changes that we often overlook until we are in the middle of its term and have missed the beauty it has brought with it.
We can close our windows, lock the doors, and hole up inside or we can throw them open and let the newness in.
I feel like at times we shy away from things that change in our lives, because we feel our contribution to life is small or not important.
What a sad untruth!
We are in control of ourselves, and when we give even in the smallest way, it is just not that small.
Change is not bad, change is mandatory.
We can fight it, push it away and cover our eyes but if we peek from behind our hands we just might see the magnificent beauties unveiled before us and feel enticed to jump in with both feet.
Life blows around us as the wind, heavy at times, refreshing at others, bringing with it the wonderful unnoticed gifts like those brilliant, bright leaves.
The hues making our lives filled with color and excitement.
The rain of life isn’t always a dark and gloomy cloud. It is a cleansing.
A cleansing to our souls, a chance to start fresh, clean, renewed after our world has been bathed by its pure donation.
Control your seasons, bring in the color, jump head first into a pile of newly raked leaves, or simply provide the foggy breath on the glass. Just be sure to be a part of the change. It is a glorious feeling to welcome in the new possibilities, even in the smallest ways.
With that being said, Shall we dance?
Let’s dance in the new season of autumn, a new time in our life, a dance that we all do in different directions.
Swaying and moving, enjoying everything new around us.
The winds of change blowing in, and brushing softly against our cheeks as we drift and turn and swirl.
Here are my thoughts! Happy Day All!
Monday, September 13, 2010
My Grandpa Ed Hardister passed away today, some years ago.
As I was sitting in the swing this morning, drinking my coffee, I replayed several memories he left with me.
The first thought was of course our love for the sea, the way we both came alive the minute our feet touched sand and the salt air we so sweetly inhaled.
I smiled this morning and closed my eyes and as the sun kissed my face I could almost be on that beach with him again.
Our last conversation was the day before he passed. I think he knew, I didn’t though, so I am thankful that I remember his last words to me. I will attempt to write them if I can hold back the tears.
‘Lil gal, you take care of that boy(Seth). You teach him like I taught you. Do what you want and nobody can make you happy but yourself. If you want something, go get it.”
I tried to probe where he was going with this and said “Well of course.” I had no idea why he was telling me all this now. What I didn’t know was that his body was consumed with cancer.
“Lil gal, Grandpa loves you, you know that. I have loved you ever since I first saw you.” His voice trembled.
“I love you too Grandpa, we will come down and see you soon so you can meet Seth.” Silence and then..
“I love you lil gal, I love ya”.
He hung up; 24 hours later he left me.
I say he left me, he left other people but that man.. oh that man was *and still is the greatest man I ever have known.
We spent more than summers together at North Myrtle Beach. We spent time together that made me into the woman that I am today.
I can safely say he is the only man I ever have known that has ever seen me as flawless.
To my grandpa I was the most beautiful, most important and most loved girl in the world. He set the standard pretty high for me on men.
Grandpa made me feel so loved and so treasured and for that I must thank him. He is also to be acknowledged for my charisma. I am very much the happy, upbeat, smiling talker that he was. That is a very good thing.
He taught me to be kind to everybody and to always offer a handshake and a smile to anyone, friend, enemy or stranger that came my way.
The most important lesson was to be secure in being me.
I had been out riding my bike that day, before I knew it I made a nose dive for the pavement and my little knee took the brunt of it.
I stumbled inside, trying so hard to be tough. I wanted to cry but my pride held back my tears.
He saw me; I hobbled over to the couch and plopped down beside him.
Grandpa could see my knee freshly scraped and also he could see the huge tears in the eyes of his little blue eyed buddy.
He spoke, not loudly, not a whisper, but firm enough to grab my attention.
“It’s ok to cry” he said.
I couldn’t, I told him, I didn’t want to look like a baby.
He kept going, “You can cry, its ok. We are all human, doesn’t make us any different, just don’t cry in front of everybody now. We all fall down lil gal, but you gotta get up, cry a little and keep on riding.”
I snuggled up next to him, in my usual spot on the couch. Cozy on his shoulder and arm, every once and a while feeling him pat my hair until I was sound asleep.
Complete and total bliss.
Countless times, sunburned, scraped, tired I would fall asleep next to him. Sometimes he would try to get up without waking me, to put a fresh sheet over my cold, little toes.
I slept even better. I had to have been smiling because if I stirred, and I peeked I would see through my have open eyes my big, strong grandfather smiling down at me.
Grandpa got sick and had to have his leg removed when I was a teenager. I think I was around 17 years old.
I couldn’t wait to get down to see him, and do our usual stuff.
There he was, sitting there on the couch watching the tube. I entered; I was greeted with that smile that looks very much like mine. His eyes sparkled.
I plopped down beside him, that man who meant so much to me.
I never got taller than him but now sitting beside him I could look him in the eyes.
His face saddened, he glanced down to where his leg had once been.
He wanted to cry but he didn’t want to look like a sissy and he sure didn’t want to look weak in front of me.
I went back in my mind to that bike crash I had when I was younger.
“Hey Gramps, we all fall down.”
“I know”, he replied. “I lost my leg lil gal, I can’t..” He trailed off.
“Hey, you gotta get back up you know”. I told him.
His radiant smile returned.
No more words.
I leaned over, threw my feet up beside me on the couch and snuggled his shoulder.
I glanced at his tan, weathered face, I saw his tears.
I said one more thing to him.
“Hey Grandpa, from here you look like always, two legs. Your shoulder and lap are still just the same”.
I fell asleep and I think he did too. Complete bliss once again.
Life is gonna knock you off your bike, its going to hurt, tears will fall, but are you tough enough to face it and keep riding?
Just don’t let everybody see you cry, especially those dumb ol boys as Grandpa called them.
Hey Gramp, I am still riding and smiling. Teaching Seth and Luke the best way I can and hey I still don’t care what people think. I hope somewhere, somehow I am making you proud, and I know I am, I can feel it.
Love you and you would get a kick out of my ring tone, its Poker Face, it reminds me of you, to keep on smiling even when I want to cry.
Here are my thoughts. Happy Day All.
Sunday, September 5, 2010
Once upon a time there was a little girl who dreamed she could capture the world.
She wasn't sure how but her eyes often seemed to sparkle sitting down at her thinking spot, taking it all in, looking brightly into her future.
As she grew so did her goals. Aspiring to be a Marine Biologist, attending the college by the coast that she laid awake many nights and imagined herself in.
Life took some turns and she didn't get there.
It didn't stop her from being happy.
She grew up, she got married and she had a beautiful, little boy who without a doubt captured her heart at first sight.
Her life moved on.
A little older sitting at her thinking spot she smiled, she kept dreaming.
Hurt, pain and loss didn't deter her.
She stood there remembering the recent loss of her Grandpa. Knowing her wouled want her to smile through the tears and carry on.
She forged ahead.
Again blessed with another beautiful little boy. Her life was rich as a mother.
The daily tasks of tending to her sons brought her joy beyond measure.
The years continued to pass.
Friendships grew, people came in and out of her life.
Sickness, scars and pain found their way along her journey.
She found herself older again, staring at the ripples and her reflection in the water down at that now trusty haven she had come to reply on.
She tearfully recalled her faithful friend of the 4 legged persuasion who had followed her since she was in pigtails.
How he always gave her a mannerly nod when she glanced down at him and then they would playfully race back to the house. Two tongues wagging as they reached the front porch together.
Old Spud, best dog in the world. It never was the same without him down there by her side.
Her sons grew and there beside her on the bank they played, skipped rocks and learned to fish.
Sometimes the only thing they caught were fits of laughter and many memories.
The little girl now a woman.
She stood on the trusty pier, mourning the loss of her Grandma and her marriage.
Wondering where she was going now.
Seeking answers, hoping to suceed at life.
She pressed on.
Caampfires by the thinking spot, melted chocolate s'mores on everybody's face.
Life was simple and good.
I stood down there again the other day.
It has become quite a spiritual ritual that I indulge in pretty often.
I love to go down there at the beginning of each new season.
Breathing in the air, watching the world change before my eyes.
As I stood there the other day, I realized I am still that little girl.
Sometimes scared, very hopeful and thankfully still seeing the world with a sparkle in my eyes.
My life so far doesn't match the dreams of my youth but I wouldn't change a thing.
Take away my favorite spot and and that opinion might change but as I sat in the corner under the shade tree I almost destroyed at about age 13, trying to swing on its new limbs, I see that life is what I make out of it.
I could wallow in regrets and past hurt, but why?
Why not wear my battle scars proudly and continue on my journey with a smile.
My steps may become slower, my face weathered as the years pass, but my heart will always wear pigtails and dream big.
Thank goodness Dad and I built that pond.
It has been a stable part of my life, its hasn't changed. It is like an old friend whom I can bear my soul to without ever saying a word.
Keep moving forward,finding your spot in this in this world and he glad for every moment, good and bad.
They are what make us who we are.
Here are my thoughts!
Happy Day All!
So Luke and I were looking through some of our old stuff yesterday.
We found some old favorite books, drawing he and his brother had done, a cute dress I forgot I had, his first Duke hat and many other things we took out and said 'WOW, I totally forgot about this!" in sheer joy.
At the bottom with various notes and random keepsakes I found a forgotten mask. I do believe it was my famed Batgirl mask that I used to wear when the boys were small. I had to stop telling them I was Batgirl because Seth took it upon himself to "Tell" for show and tell, when he was still in the single digits that his Mom was truly the real Batgirl.
Of course the teacher met me at the door to inform me of his creative share.
Her face tensed as I laughed and told her her in fact yes I was the Dark Knight's female sidekick.
Whoops, some people have no sense of humor sometimes I guess.
Anyway,back to me and Luke and our find.
I put it on for old time sake. His eyes lit up and we giggled, and briefly I was again that silly Mom who used to wrap in a blanket and jump off the back of the couch.
You know wearing it I felt slightly different, well not because it didn't match my jeans and tank top and looked pretty silly as an accessory to my flip flops.
I felt like a different person. Not a feeling I really ever feel.
I took it off my cherished treasure and I was simply Teresa again.
It set my mind in motion and how hard it would be to live behind a mask.
It seems to be a trend among some people to wear a clever mask and transform into a person they really are not.
I guess it's easier to be accepted as a "character" or play a role of who you wish you were.
I know I am not accepted b y all, I know being I who i really am i am often perceived as the goof, the silly girl, the class clown, but that's just part of who I am.
If you look past all that and truly know me, I am more.
I suppose certain people might like me more or accept me if I started strutting around with my nose in the air, spouting out a list of selling points, my best features and my current do gooder acts.
Hey, I am Teresa, TC to some and T to many and various other nicknames but they all equal the same person, just me.
I step on toes at times, I trip standing still, I snort when I laugh and I get too loud and animated when I am excited but by golly its who I am.
I never have to worry about dropping my guard or letting my mask slip to reveal a very different person.
I wonder about those people who wear a mask to the world.
So they come home, remove it and look into the mirror and wonder who they are?
Do they wish they could be whomever they were born as?
I am me, I am not wealthy, not very graceful, not snobby but I am so ok with being me. I am loving, caring and genuine.
It saves a lot of time, I don't fake an accent, put on a front or ever worry I will be found out.
If you find you are wearing a mask, take it off for a while, you may be surprised at how much people like the REAL you and most important you just might like you better as well.
Be proud, be you. Never feel ashamed of who and where you are from, how you were made, let the sincere person you hold inside out, to be free.
Now I must go, its almost dark and well I did find my Batgirl mask.. Off to Gotham City I go!!!!
Happy Day All! Here are my thoughts!
I wish for a one day we could all be blind.
Let me explain.
If we were to all have our sight taken from us for just one single day I think we might become humble in the way we truly view the world and the people that exist in our world.
Our society has conditioned us to only accept people based on a few superficial factors.
Without sight we wouldn't be impressed with the car a person drives or the pricey clothes they choose to wear.
We wouldn't be allowed to judge another human being by their looks, the ones that appear flawless and most important those that don't.
We wouldn't be permitted to view disabilities, scars, burns or any other factor a person has fought to overcome.
How would we view the people we encounter and interact with?
We would be given a chance to see them for their inner light that shines, the beauty of voice, the touch, the feeling that person gave us.
I closed my eyes before I started writing and began to paint a picture of different people I know, leaving the alone their visible appearance.
Sadly some of those people's striking good looks faded and what I saw wasn't pretty.
Then I began to look at the people who I hold close, they became even more beautiful. Not because of the color of their hair or perfect smile, but their true beauty became so clear in my mind's eye.
I was surrounded by people who have touched me by their words, a laugh, a pretty smell, kindness, an innocent giggle and a firm, loving hand to hold.
I remember sweet little Mozelle Stout who I got to know when I worked at a nursing home.
I could hear her beautiful voice singing a hymn long before our eyes ever met.
I had to be near this woman who filled the hall with such a sweet sound.
I followed it, I felt like running to it.
There in her wheelchair was such a gorgeous soul. Did I see her wrinkled and weathered and her legs unable to carry her any longer?
I saw a perfect person before me who even at her life's end still found a reason to sing.
Did she turn me away because I slipped on the wet floor and being accident prone, because I didn’t have a nurse's badge, because I didn't fit the image of a 30 something, single Mom. OH NO!
She grabbed my hand into her feeble, loving hand and asked me to sing along.
It became our ritual, we sang, we sang everywhere, and she laughed the most innocent laugh as we got too loud.
I went to her before I left that job, her kind eyes tearing up she said "Keep singing angel."
Don't worry Miss Mozelle I won't ever stop!
I saw her obituary and it hurt to know she had left this earth but she left me with a lesson and an incredible song in my heart.
Close your eyes let your heart do all your seeing for you.
When you open your eyes you may not have 20/20 vision but I think you will start to see people for what they are and not their perfect body, botox, meaningless material possessions, you will see how amazing they are and most important how they made you feel.
Maya Angelo said you will forget what people say, but you will never forget how someone made you feel.
Close those eyes today people, and after you view the world in a new way, take a long, hard look at your own reflection and see if you like who you are.
Happy Day All.. Here are My Thoughts!
Tuesday, July 6, 2010
I was outside starting my day last week, of course a cup of black coffee in my hand, the Spring sun warming my face even at that early hour of morning.
I was walking towards my swing ready to sit back and gain my daily perspective.
I heard a faint sound coming from across our little two lane road.
There in his crisp plaid shirt, well worn jeans, boots and a straw hat was my great uncle guiding his tiller carefully through his large, garden area.
This is a sight I have watched since I was 6 years old and my parents bought my great grandparents home next door to great uncle Edsel.
I used to stand in our fruit orchard and watch him in the early mornings smiling as he tilled the newly thawed ground and prepped the area for his big, upcoming vegetable garden.
Now here I am many years later watching him again. Now viewing it from a different perspective, not just in location which is across from Mom's house and Edsel's.
I am seeing it for the deeper meaning it has to me since becoming an adult.
Sure he could zip down to the grocery store and buy whatever he wanted, even pre cut and pre sliced, but he doesn't.
It’s a task he truly loves.
He loves going out there and digging, tending and working hard.
It’s worth every ache and pain to see the end result of his labor.
A labor of doing something he loves.
Its very simple, no fancy tools needed, he is at peace when is out there. If he catches someone looking on in his line of sight, he raises one hand., gives a friendly wave and a smile and then presses on.
I began thinking of how consumed we have become by convience and the quick way to do things.
I thought over the moments and. memories that I treasure and I quickly realized not one of them contained the easy, quick formula we have so sadly adapted these days.
Maybe I am simple minded but to me its those back to basic acts that I find so endearing and remember the most.
As a parent I could easily pay money to generate the happiness of my children, its everywhere, so why not, right?
The problem there with me is when they are my age will they remember the dollars spent or the memories made?
I can buy something today and by next week they won't even think twice about it but if I put some effort and work into doing something for them that has little or no cost they remember it vividly and with a happy heart.
As a rule usually every summer we skip down to the pond, put up our tent, gather fire wood and attempt to fish.
It has become a seasonal tradition that the boys love.
Thinking now about our camping last summer I laugh recalling Seth and Dylan with an axe, Luke digging worms and me erecting a tent without pegs (it worked btw).
Sitting by our nice fire, the dew fallen, catching fish in the almost darkness, using cheese puffs when our bait ran out, it’s a labor of love.
Sure we could pack up and hit a fun park, heck I could pay someone to take them for me, but no its kinda basic but the end result is worth the splinters, Smores burns( hot coal and hot foil hurt!) and a sleepless night in a tent with them.
They will be standing somewhere someday and it will hit them just as it did with me.
Our needs and joys don't have to revolve around elaborate costly things.
We can find the most incredible insight and love in those acts that might make us sweat, make us tired and dirty, but that were done out of just pure love.
I guess I am simple, flashy doesn't do it for me, thought does.
I am most impressed by simple and in saying simple I don't mean I am dim or slow witted and all it takes to make me happy is an empty box, but an expensive dinner and lavish gifts has less value to me than 2 hand made cards from the boys and a pecan pie from Mom to celebrate my birthday.
Labors of love, try them.. You won't ever forget them and years from now it will still make your heart smile. Here are my thoughts! Happy Day All!
~One day at a time--this is enough. Do not look back and grieve over the past for it is gone; and do not be troubled about the future, for it has not yet come. Live in the present, and make it so beautiful it will be worth remembering. Author Unknown
~I am beginning to learn that it is the sweet, simple things of life which are the real ones after all.Laura Ingalls Wilder
~The best things in life are nearest: Breath in your nostrils, light in your eyes, flowers at your feet, duties at your hand, the path of right just before you. Then do not grasp at the stars, but do life's plain, common work as it comes, certain that daily duties and daily bread are the sweetest things in life. ~Robert Louis Stevenson
~Live simply that others might simply live. ~Elizabeth Seaton
Monday, July 5, 2010
How was your weekend? Mine? Pretty laid back and quiet.
Coffee and pen in hand lets get down to the Thought For The Day!
Get comfy, put your feet up and hopefully I can bring you a smile today that will get you through Monday!
I've been struggling with something and pretty sad.So I decided to put it out of my mind today and to write about happy things.
If you know me then you know the one the one thing you can say about me is that I'm different.
I always have been.
I came out of the birth canal folded in half and the first appearance I made into this world was butt first. I am sure my Mom is so proud!
I think that set the tone for my whole life. I don't see things like other people. My perspective is usually very different. Some people have called me a dreamer, silly, goofy and even dumb.
I disagree. I think that in any situation you can find some joy and in that some people think I am not serious. I don't care what they think, I will find my joy!
I tend to celebrate my faults, they are a part of me and who I am.
I enjoy my quirks and don't care of anybody likes them or not.
I snort when I laugh.
I fall "UP" stairs.
I read backwards.
I stop and dance no matter where I am if the music is good( wouldn't you love to shop with me!)
I reapply perfume about 3 times before I go out, by gosh at least you will remember how good I smell!
I talk very loud when I am excited, no matter where I am, So what if the ER nurse, the older gentleman in the grocery store or the guy beside me at the gas pumps hear me!
I skip, yes I said skip!
I would rather you give me a bubbles and a bubble blower than a dozen roses, so that way we can enjoy them together.
I cry for people I don't know if I think they are hurting.
I'll smile and tell you I am fine just so you won't worry even if my heart is broken.
I'll be myself !
I won't change no matter how hurt or sad I get sometimes. I will be goofy and silly to hide the sadness.
Its who I am.
Take it or leave it.
Be proud of of who you are, stand tall( well in my case I hope I am not wearing those cute wedged mules I fell off of and broke my foot in).
Embrace the blessing of not being like someone else.
Leave your unique mark on this world!
Be you and if you see me in the grocery store ask to dance with me!
Here are my thoughts! Happy Day All!
~We are so accustomed to disguise ourselves to others that in the end we become disguised to ourselves. ~François Duc de La Rochefoucauld
~Learn to... be what you are, and learn to resign with a good grace all that you are not. ~Henri Frederic Amiel
~Let the world know you as you are, not as you think you should be, because sooner or later, if you are posing, you will forget the pose, and then where are you? ~Fanny Brice
~The most exhausting thing in life is being insincere. ~Anne Morrow Lindbergh
I saw my little boy today. No I haven't lost it, yes I see my sons every day but today I briefly saw my little boy.
Let me explain.
Seth, my oldest son who is now a teenager has seemed to transform before my eyes from that little chubby cheeked blonde to a taller than his mother (he loves that by the way) young man.
I am so proud of my kids and while Luke is still young,Seth is changing more everyday and I often look at him and wonder where the time went.
I lay awake some nights hoping and praying his dad and I have given him the tools to be a moral, upstanding man.
I would be lying if I said I don't wish at times that he was 4 years old again and one of his greatest joys was a garden hose and an unsuspecting Mommy.
Our kids have to grow up but sometimes we are blessed with a memory that is brought to our present like a refreshing, familiar breeze that only a precious time in our past can do.
I can still see him, his blonde hair, those cute cheeks, his dirty kneed overalls, a smile almost as big as him and a look of true satisfaction glistening in those baby blue eyes.
"I got something for you Mom." I was sitting in the swing out in our yard. I had no idea what he held so carefully behind his back.
I hoped it wasn't another lizard. As he performed his big reveal I laughed, cried and smiled at the sight before me.
There in his dirty little hands was a beautiful, carefully picked bouquet of weeds. Roots and all!!!!
Those were the prettiest weeds my eyes have ever seen.
I took them in my hand, and those weeds, roots and all into my heart.
He just beamed as he sat beside me.
"You like them Mommy?"
"Yes baby, I will never forget them."
I fell asleep yesterday and I awoke to the much deeper more manly voice of my son.
"Mom, you asleep?"
I looked up and saw the familiar smile of my son.
There was that gleam I had seen quite a few years ago.
For a moment I saw a little boy covered in fresh dirt waiting with excitement to surprise his Mom.
Those ol baby blues haven't changed. He may be taller and now sporting facial hair but as he once again waited for his big reveal, I saw my little boy today.
From behind his back came a beautiful bouquet of wildflowers he had picked when he and his buddy were headed home from a hike through the woods.
There was that smile and once again I smiled and cried. Hearing his voice trail off out the door. "Love you Mom".
No roots this time but even so they are firmly planted in my heart.
The little things. Its what life is all about.
I can't imagine my life without them. They surround me and thankfully I am lucky enough to note and appreciate these gifts I have been given.
Roots and All!!!!!
Give simply today, it will make a huge impact.
Here are my thoughts! Happy Day All!
~ Be faithful in small things because it is in them that your strength lies.
-- Mother Teresa
~ Enjoy the little things in life, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things.
-- Antonio Smith
~ I am beginning to learn that it is the sweet, simple things of life which are the real ones after all.
Today's thoughts are about letting go.
I doubt I have written about this before because its something I struggle with myself.
People come into our lives in so many ways, friends, love interest etc.. and sadly we are faced with a point in which we have to look at the big picture and realize we must make them part of our past for one reason or another. Its not easy and the longer we drag it out it becomes more painful.
I have always struggled with letting go and in my own mind it means I quit and gave up, But its not that I quit, I am no quitter.
It means I am learning to see what this person has brought to my life, what have they done to change my world, have they brought me continuous pain, heartache,sadness.. And when given another chance did they change? If the answer is no, then its time to let go. Easier said than done. I would know.
I was in a very long relationship with someone who I thought I knew.I refused to give up, I held out hope every time I gave him another chance only to find myself sinking deeper in sadness. Why are we afraid to let go? My reasons are that I guess I am scared, scared of facing it alone, scared of not having happiness again, scared of a lonely night, but wait, I had those when I was with him anyway.
We broke up, its crushed me, I won't lie, I was at a very low point. I didn't think I would ever be happy again, I let another person control my happiness factor when in truth the only person who can do that is ourselves. We are the ones who hand over control to another person to either make us or break us.
I will let you in on another secret, I didn't give up, I waited, thinking some magical day he would see the error of his ways, feeling empowered by the great love we had and come dashing back to me a changed man. He never did, he never will. He won't change and look at the time I wasted waiting on him. Look at the chances I missed because I thought he was the end all be all.
A person came along recently and made me see that, (thank you btw) that there are good people in this world, not everybody is the man I dated, and it feels good to take off my blinders and see the world I live in for real, not his vision.
Lyd called today, and right before she called, my ex b/f called, he wanted to have just lunch, just hello, just see each other.. I entertained the idea. Lyd thank goodness reminded me of all the hurt and pain, and the days of happy I can never ever get back no matter what pretty picture he paints for me.
I am proud to say I declined, why open up a closed wound, why not take my battle scars and move on instead of letting him drag me back to the past I have fought so hard to put behind me. That door is closed. I am thankful and I am thankful I finally let go, it hurt like everything, but how can I ever move on if I keep revisiting my past and wondering what if every time I have a good memory of us.
I don't like to dwell on hurt and pain, but in order to not backslide I have to keep it present in my mind where he is concerned so that I will keep him in his place.. my past.. and in order to do that, I had to let it all go. We can't go back, we can't bring those good times back, we are forever changed, but we can create new ones, we just have to let go and give other people a chance...
Of course letting go isn't fun, who likes to close a door, but you have to in order to ever see the window open and smell the fresh breeze blowing in and the newness of a breathe of fresh air in your face before it closes.
I have no idea where my life is headed, and that's cool, I am happy in the now, not happy in the yesterdays and last years. Its time to live, live today, I let go.. and thanks to someone for helping see that its possible, I doubt they even know they did it, but I am very grateful, grateful for again having restored hope.
Let go everybody, that road block could be preventing some unique, genuine people or things from getting through.. and making you happier than you have ever been!
Happy Day All.. here are my thoughts!
~Some of us think holding on makes us strong, but sometimes it is letting go.~Herman Hesse
~In everyone’s life, at some time, our inner fire goes out. It is then burst into flame by an encounter with another human being. We should all be thankful for those people who rekindle the inner spirit.~Albert Schweitzer
~There are things that we never want to let go of, people we never want to leave behind. But keep in mind that letting go isn’t the end of the world, it’s the beginning of a new life.~ Unknown
~One problem with gazing too frequently into the past is that we may turn around to find the future has run out on us.~ Michael Cibenko
From where I am sitting and writing it looks like finally Spring is upon us.
Daffodils are popping up where snow once covered my yard.
The Spring peepers are filling my woods with their cheerful noise.
Slowly green is filling in the bleak,desolate areas that have laid dormant for several months.
I spent as much time outside as I can, even if I am doing nothing. I just love the sights and sounds of this new season.
Last weekend I was strolling around the yard enjoying the newness that is creeping back into my area of the world.
I was looking up at the trees, lost in a stare towards the huge Magnolia tree in my backyard.
I was in deep thought,pondering life and why things happen.
Nothing really dawned on me, so I just stood there hoping my startling revelation would hit me.
I really needed a sign, a trigger, something to move me.
I guess I was watching the sky in hopes of the answer to come tumbling down and smack me in the head.
I was so busy and preoccupied with looking up that I almost crushed something very delicate under my shoes.
I glanced down and there it was.
Years ago my Mimi passed on an heirloom flower to me. It been hers, she got it from my great grandma Island.
So the honor of receiving it was great to me.
Mim never knew the formal name for it but she called it the "Christ" plant.
It was a beautiful flower to behold.Its darker green leaves were pointy and the flower itself was a very subtle shade of green.
Sadly a couple of years ago I accidentally mowed the whole plant down.
I cried. I had destroyed something I adored.
So ah yes I was standing there looking up and before I turned to walk away I glanced down.
There literally at my feet, a single flower, its unusual green catching my eye and also flooding my face with tears.
It was like seeing Mimi again.
Mim would never make a loud entrance, she was far too proper, she would just be there politely in her own way.
This incredible flower mimicked her grace.
It didn't come crashing into me, it sat there very properly waiting for me to notice.
it was the sign I had been searching for, it was the hope I had been seeking, it was the reassurance of faith that I so desperately needed.
I knelt down and just looked at it in pure amazement.
Had I kept looking elsewhere and not paying attention I would have crushed this wonderful sign that was literally laid at my feet.
It made me cry, it made me laugh, it made hope overflow in my heart.
There among the leaves was what I needed, it was so much more than a flower.
It was a reminder from Mimi.
It reminded me of how she lived her life.
She endured, she worked hard and she never gave up even when she got mowed down.
She may not be with any longer but her memory lives very much in me.Today and every day from here on out I have to remember to pay attention.
We often times wait for the big sha-bang, the trumpets sounding, the huge entrance of a sign we are seeking to empower us and we forget to sit quietly and listen closely.
We neglect to to see the signs that are placed gracefully in our line of vision if we only pay attention.
Hey Mimi, thanks.
You always have known just what to say to motivate me and also how to show me how to live. You aren't here with me in body but wow you sure are here, what a wonderful blessing.
Look close, listen, what you need may be right in front of you and you were so consumed with waiting for the big sign that you miss the incredible little gifts that are just waiting right there for you to notice them.
Here are my thoughts! Happy Day All!
~Flowers always make people better, happier and more helpful; they are sunshine, food and medicine to the soul.
~Flowers have spoken to me more than I can tell in written words. They are the hieroglyphics of angels, loved by all men for the beauty of the character, though few can decipher even fragments of their meaning.
-Lydia Maria Child
~The flower that smells the sweetest is shy and lowly.
~Grandmas hold our tiny hands for just a little while, but our hearts forever.
We had a thunderstorm yesterday and I thought of Luke, that is one of his biggest fears. I wasn't with him to help him, but I knew he would be ok. We all got home, the kids did their thing before dinner and I decided to head down to my thinking spot to sit and sort some things out that needed to be thought out.
I had some random thoughts and then my thoughts turned to my Mimi( grandma). Her birthday is this coming Saturday, and I thought over all the advice, the laughs, the tears she wiped away, the joy she felt when Seth and Luke were born, and the part that finally got me.. the way she looked at me, Never has anyone in my life ever looked at me the way she did. It was so many things, happiness, true love, pride, she always had a sparkle in her eyes when she looked at me. As I sat there I could see her smiling at me, and I wondered what advice she would give me now. I think I have a good idea what it would be, and that makes me happy that I can still recall what she would tell me if I could go to her now.
I watched the sun on the water after the storm, and remembered how scared Mimi was of thunderstorms, she was scared of very little, but thunderstorms were something that terrified her. I remember growing up and at the first sound of thunder, I knew the next sound would be Mimi coming in the door to stay with us till the storm passed. We would laugh, and talk and sit through the storm together. Even after I was married, I could count on Mimi being either at my house or at Mom's if the storm raged in. I asked her once when I was young why she came over during a storm and she said "Because I am not scared if somebody is with me."
What a great reply, much like the fear we feel everyday, its easier to deal with if we have someone to ride out the storm with. Fear is hard to handle sometimes alone, but if we have someone to be there with us, it doesn't seem so bad and sometimes it makes beautiful memories when you least expected it.
Mimi still gets me through my personal storms, maybe mine are not literal but dark clouds no less.
Don't let fear control you, if you get scared, of whatever it is in your life, reach out and face it with someone, it doesn't seem so scary when you have a hand to hold.
Miss you Mimi... more than you can imagine, so Saturday I'll stop by and give you some flowers and thank you for teaching me to never be too proud to face my fears alone.
Happy Day All and here are my thoughts!
~ Panic at the thought of doing a thing is a challenge to do it. ~Henry S. Haskins
~There is a time to take counsel of your fears, and there is a time to never listen to any fear. ~George S. Patton
~A cat bitten once by a snake dreads even rope. ~Arab Proverb
~Who is more foolish, the child afraid of the dark or the man afraid of the light? ~Maurice Freehill
I see you Poison Oak, over there across my driveway, and yes you have my respect, keep on doing whatever it is you do.
No I haven't been out in sun too much over the weekend, so I feel I must explain.
There is a large patch of poison oak on the opposite side of my driveway. It’s visible from every window, I see it when I sit in the swing, and most definitely when I am in the drive.
The smart aleck plant and I have been going around for a long time now.
I have chopped it down with the weed eater with the same fury of Rambo unloading his weapon into the enemy.
I have googled it late at night trying to find a sneaky way to destroy it. I have sprayed it down with a Round Up weed killer bath, laughing an evil laugh thinking.."Who's all big and bad now? Ahahahaha!"
To my dismay it always came back bigger and more powerful.
I decided to have one last round with my arch enemy.
I quickly learned that it was a force to be reckoned with. It kicked my tail in the first round of our last match.
I was covered; I had it all over me, in my eyes and even on my fingers. I lost the fight and decided to retire from our on going war.
I began thinking about this stubborn, strong willed plant, that no matter how hard I tried I couldn't take down.
I compared it to my own desires and drive in life.
I have been mowed down, I have been sprayed with negativity, laughed at and even sneak attacks to stomp out my ambition to succeed and to just be who I am.
After recovering from being chopped to shreds and knocked down I see my roots are in tact and my motivation kicks in and I pull myself up and stand tall once again.
I find that maybe people may not understand my reasons, grasp my goals in life, much like my reasoning of why we have poison oak, but I do respect it.
I know that if I tangle with it, I will be the loser in the end.
It will stand proud after another battle and remain victorious no matter how much I will it to be gone.
I don't bother it and it doesn't bother me. We co exist and I look to it with a new perspective.
I guess I am the poison oak, and I am proud to be. Laugh, point, stand by and shake your head and wonder what my purpose is, but remember no matter how many times I fall, my roots are strong, my vision is bold, and I am going to be myself.
No matter how many obstacles I face, I am going to be here, respected and if you don't get me, you can look out of the corner of your eye and know I ain't going anywhere but up!
Never let people drag you down, let them ridicule, let them wonder but no matter how many rounds you go, get back up swinging!
Be strong and you will have a life that no matter your aspirations that you can be proud of.
Even if we all aren't executives, doctors or people in society's high positions we are to be the best at being us.
Keep those roots in tact and firm, you will win the fight and you will be proud that you lived your life to your own standards.
Hello Poison Oak.. Looks like the wind is making you wave at me.. I am waving back!
Keep on keeping on!
Here are my thoughts! Happy Day All!
Luke and I do something when the weather is the slightest notion of warm and we got to do it yesterday.
It’s nothing fancy, but we both treasure it.
I saw his freckled smile as I followed him out the door, heading to our destination.
20 steps and we are there.
He takes his usual spot and I take mine.
I told you it wasn't complex, but it’s our little thing we do.
We laugh, we talk, and we share silence taking in all the things around us.
Ever so often he leans his sweet head over on my shoulder and no words are needed, I just know.
We have been sitting in that swing since he was a baby. I used to position him in my lap and we would just enjoy the day and being together.
In time he outgrew my lap and so he found his current spot beside me.
To me that simple, little thing we do is one of the most beautiful moments in my life. I hope its something he never forgets.
I am sure he won't.
You see I was very lucky to grow up with a Mom who did little things like that with me throughout my childhood and those memories are still very vivid in my mind.
I remember being just a little thing and it being a gorgeous Spring morning much like the ones occurring now.
"Come on Ties." She would say to me.
I followed her out the front door, down the steps to the wide open grassy spot in our side yard.
I can still see Mama that day, her blonde hair slightly blowing with the motion of the new leaves on the trees in the breeze, her smile bright and captivating, her eyes shining as she held my hand, walking together to our similar 20 step destination.
There on the grass was a breakfast picnic just for me and Mama.
We giggled, we ate, and we took in the beauty of the world around us.
That is just one of many things that Mom did with me but I used it to show its simplicity, but by being simple it doesn't mean it wasn't profound.
I can't thank Mom enough for instilling in me at a young age the true meaning of life.
The little things. My greatest love in life.
My most treasures possessions.
I can't imagine living in this world and not taking time to partake in them.
I may not have alot in this world and that is ok, my wealth is great, my fortune can't be tallied up. I am so very wealthy because in my life I grew up with a Mom who passed on to her daughter a love of life and the joy of simple happiness.
Do me a favor today, search your memory for your simple things and act on it.
We all have them, but it’s so easy in today's world to dismiss them and get wrapped up in other things that need our attention.
Let them slide for a bit, those issues will wait on you and be there when you get back to them.
Give yourself a gift today, no purchase necessary.
Thank you Mama for taking your little Tesi by the hand and showing me the world from a quilt nestled on the grass covered in eggs and milk.
Now I must go find my blue eyed boy and swing!
Happy Day All! Here are my thoughts!
~It is the sweet, simple things of life which are the real ones after all.~ Laura Ingalls Wilder
~Anything simple always interests me. ~David Hockney
~If the sight of the blue skies fills you with joy, if a blade of grass springing up in the fields has power to move you, if the simple things of nature have a message that you understand, rejoice, for your soul is alive.
~ Eleonora Duse
~Be faithful in small things because it is in them that your strength lies.
I was outside this morning breathing in the brisk morning air and as I was about to take another step, a familiar song came on my ipod. It took me to another time; I was suddenly in my mind standing in my kitchen on a very memorable day. I was about to replay it in my mind and at first I thought maybe I should play the next song, forget that memory but I decided nope I need to remember this one.
Now back to my kitchen, I was standing in front of someone who I thought I knew someone I put all my hopes and dreams into, someone I trusted with my heart.
The song playing in the background, me sobbing and asking him how this could be happening.
Begging for some sort of answer to his betrayal.
He just stood there, staring down at me, watching me fall apart, watching me struggle to make some sort of sense of what was happening.
He had nothing.
My tears didn't faze him. My obvious hurt and pain not changing his cold facial expression.
It was over, the big breakup.
He turned to walk out the door, and all I muster to tearfully scream to his back was "WHY????" His reply" I don't know."
He was gone, I was broken.
The days following that are a blur. I was numb.
My spirit was crushed and the worst of all was that bright shining light in my eyes was no where to be seen.
Some time later he called, expecting an apology I answered, but instead I was informed from Mr. Wonderful that I would never find a man who would treat me as good as he did, I would never be happy again, I would never amount to anything without him.
Oh how precious!
For a while I believed him and if you know me very well, you know that's not my style at all.
I finally got mad. I needed that and I finally broke out of his ideas for my life.
I called him and even though he laughed I let him know that he may have made me stumble but he would never be able to bring me down and that I was going to accomplish every dream, make every goal and I was going to shine. I am sure he is still laughing but I could care less.
Some people found it very humorous that I was writing a book, they even said with a smirk"Oh ok" and giggled.
Hey guess what??? I DID IT!!!
I have a gazillion more dreams and goals I am working on and I won't stop until I can see them in my grasp, reach up on my tippy toes and pull them down with a happy heart and add them to my list of "Thing I WILL do".
We can't let negative people overshadow our ambitions.
I find these kinds of people are miserable in their own lives and their only joy comes from trying to seek and destroy those with a good attitude and want to shine.
Bring it on! I have no room for in my life for those punks.
Everybody has different hopes and dreams, some very simple, some very complex but if you set your mind to it and activate your force field to filter out negativity then you are definitely headed in the right direction. Which is, UP!!!!!!!!!
I have learned to never let somebody win; don't believe their hurtful, destructive words.
Show them what you are made of and when are sitting up there shining because you never let up, where will they be?
More than likely likely down in the gutter with Mr. Wonderful looking up and gazing at the star you are!
I am going to shine, there ain't no stopping me and thankfully my team of friends and family are behind me and want nothing but the best for me.
DETERMINATION... get it, grab it, and hold on to it because it can take you wherever you want to go!
I am going to be happy with my life and all I do.
If you want to be on my team, jump in but leave that negativity behind because it will get you booted from playing on the same court with me.
Now who wants to play a good ol game of one on one? I've got the b-ball, just be ready for a good challenge because I don't quit!
Get out there and make it happen people, come sit in the stars with me!!!!!
Happy Day all, Here are my thoughts!
~The mighty Oak was once a little nut that stood its ground.
~There is nothing impossible to him who will try.
-Alexander the Great
~Every failure, obstacle or hardship is an opportunity in disguise. Success in many cases is failure turned inside out. The greatest pollution problem we face today is negativity. Eliminate the negative attitude and believe you can do anything. Replace 'if I can, I hope, maybe' with 'I can, I will, I must.'
-Mary Kay Ash
~One of the saddest lines in the world is, 'Oh come now - be realistic.' The best parts of this world were not fashioned by those who were realistic. They were fashioned by those who dared to look hard at their wishes and gave them horses to ride.
-Richard Nelson Bolles
~The question isn't 'who is going to let me'; it's 'who is going to stop me'.
-Ayn Rand, The Fountainhead