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Monday, July 5, 2010

~Fly Away~

Today's thoughts are about letting go.
I doubt I have written about this before because its something I struggle with myself.
People come into our lives in so many ways, friends, love interest etc.. and sadly we are faced with a point in which we have to look at the big picture and realize we must make them part of our past for one reason or another. Its not easy and the longer we drag it out it becomes more painful.

I have always struggled with letting go and in my own mind it means I quit and gave up, But its not that I quit, I am no quitter.

It means I am learning to see what this person has brought to my life, what have they done to change my world, have they brought me continuous pain, heartache,sadness.. And when given another chance did they change? If the answer is no, then its time to let go. Easier said than done. I would know.

I was in a very long relationship with someone who I thought I knew.I refused to give up, I held out hope every time I gave him another chance only to find myself sinking deeper in sadness. Why are we afraid to let go? My reasons are that I guess I am scared, scared of facing it alone, scared of not having happiness again, scared of a lonely night, but wait, I had those when I was with him anyway.

We broke up, its crushed me, I won't lie, I was at a very low point. I didn't think I would ever be happy again, I let another person control my happiness factor when in truth the only person who can do that is ourselves. We are the ones who hand over control to another person to either make us or break us.

I will let you in on another secret, I didn't give up, I waited, thinking some magical day he would see the error of his ways, feeling empowered by the great love we had and come dashing back to me a changed man. He never did, he never will. He won't change and look at the time I wasted waiting on him. Look at the chances I missed because I thought he was the end all be all.

A person came along recently and made me see that, (thank you btw) that there are good people in this world, not everybody is the man I dated, and it feels good to take off my blinders and see the world I live in for real, not his vision.

Lyd called today, and right before she called, my ex b/f called, he wanted to have just lunch, just hello, just see each other.. I entertained the idea. Lyd thank goodness reminded me of all the hurt and pain, and the days of happy I can never ever get back no matter what pretty picture he paints for me.

I am proud to say I declined, why open up a closed wound, why not take my battle scars and move on instead of letting him drag me back to the past I have fought so hard to put behind me. That door is closed. I am thankful and I am thankful I finally let go, it hurt like everything, but how can I ever move on if I keep revisiting my past and wondering what if every time I have a good memory of us.

I don't like to dwell on hurt and pain, but in order to not backslide I have to keep it present in my mind where he is concerned so that I will keep him in his place.. my past.. and in order to do that, I had to let it all go. We can't go back, we can't bring those good times back, we are forever changed, but we can create new ones, we just have to let go and give other people a chance...

Of course letting go isn't fun, who likes to close a door, but you have to in order to ever see the window open and smell the fresh breeze blowing in and the newness of a breathe of fresh air in your face before it closes.

I have no idea where my life is headed, and that's cool, I am happy in the now, not happy in the yesterdays and last years. Its time to live, live today, I let go.. and thanks to someone for helping see that its possible, I doubt they even know they did it, but I am very grateful, grateful for again having restored hope.

Let go everybody, that road block could be preventing some unique, genuine people or things from getting through.. and making you happier than you have ever been!

Happy Day All.. here are my thoughts!

T ;)

~Some of us think holding on makes us strong, but sometimes it is letting go.~Herman Hesse

~In everyone’s life, at some time, our inner fire goes out. It is then burst into flame by an encounter with another human being. We should all be thankful for those people who rekindle the inner spirit.~Albert Schweitzer

~There are things that we never want to let go of, people we never want to leave behind. But keep in mind that letting go isn’t the end of the world, it’s the beginning of a new life.~ Unknown

~One problem with gazing too frequently into the past is that we may turn around to find the future has run out on us.~ Michael Cibenko

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